Several years ago, a considerable number of different things completely derailed the novels and other stories I was working on for quite a few years before everything fell apart. A lot of it was the ten and a half months I was homeless in 2019 and 2020, beginning just before COVID-19 hit, accompanied by my usual depression issues cranking up to eleven. Oddly, I managed to keep writing through the homeless period and for a while after renting an apartment and putting my life back together, then I went off the rails.
I’m pretty sure part of it was from needing multiple surgeries about a year ago and the last one putting me out of commission for two months in a row, followed by nearly a year of overdrawing my bank account every single month just to pay the rent and other monthly expenses because I wasn’t working enough hours. The constant pressure to not end up homeless again probably broke something in my brain.
Whenever I was able to start writing again, it usually fizzled out after a sentence or two, or occasionally a couple of paragraphs. Other than that, I managed to start my creative gears turning every now and then when something lodged an idea in my head and I posted something here after a round of brainstorming sessions with a friend. Quite a few of my previous posts go into detail on those, so I won’t rehash them here. One of the more recent had kept my attention and I actually started writing the first story. Finished the rough draft, started working on another, got a few scenes into it, and … just got stuck. Ended up scrapping the second story and will start over from scratch when I feel confident enough that I can crank out a halfway decent story.
But I recently began to realize that workshopping ideas and starting over again and again with any of them just wouldn’t get me anywhere. What I really need to do is finish the ones I already started years ago and drifted away from. A very long time ago, I was able to work on five or six different books at the same time, writing a chapter of one before switching over to another and writing a chapter, and so on. But events over the last few years, I think, broke me in ways that I’m still discovering, and I haven’t been able to stay focused on even a single story since at least the end of 2020.
So. The plan, at least, is to work on one book until it’s finished, then finish another, and keep it up until I’ve finished all the ones I’ve left dangling. Well, except Freelancers. That one is such an enormous project that it’ll take a while to finish. It’s already past 200,000 words and I’m expecting it to hit 500,000 before it’s done. So if I work on that exclusively, it’ll be several years before I even touch any of the other projects. Same goes for Somewhere Out There, which is, for now, completely open-ended and could just keep going and going and going.
The novel I intend to finish first is Uncharted Territory. I’d managed to keep working on it until about eleven months ago, when the last of my creativity fizzled out and my focus had to go completely into simple survival. This time, I’m planning to wait until the book is finished before I post the rest of it just so I won’t get a few “episodes” up and then lapse again for a few more months or longer. Then I’ll be able to put each new episode up on a regular schedule and not be as sporadic as I was about it before the creative gears ground to a halt.
It took almost a year just to finish the newest scene, so we can add writer’s block onto the pile. I remember getting a couple of paragraphs into it and then it fizzled out. Kept going back to it again and again, staring at the screen for a while, and then giving up after nothing at all came to mind. Finally managed to break through enough to get a few more paragraphs done, do a little editing, write a little more later on, and so on. Finished the scene, started on the next, and stalled again a few paragraphs in. But I’m making progress, and damn it, I intend to keep going until the book is finished.
I’ve talked about Uncharted Territory before, but I’ll go into it a bit here because I finally came up with a way to get an image of one of the main characters … or, at least, as close as possible with zero artistic talent and no money to commission art. Once the book is finished, I’m thinking about going back to the thing I’d been planning for World Anvil a while back, and hopefully get a good chunk of it done this time. And I’ll need images for character profiles and whatnot.
I’ve played around with an AI art generator to try to at least get something I could show an actual artist someday, if I can ever afford to commission a few pieces, and say, “That’s more or less what this character looks like. Maybe tweak a few things like the hair or the eyes, but yeah, this is the basic idea.” I was never able to get anything even close to most of the characters in Uncharted Territory or the previous book, Game Over, especially the aliens. I kept trying to get a decent image of one of the main characters, Kolya Mason, but the results were always even farther from what I had in mind than most of the other characters I attempted. Mainly, the art generator kept removing the scars on her face, even when I tried to use another image as a starter, and those scars are a major part of her background and are the result of a life-changing event.
Finally, I hit on the idea of firing up Fallout 4 because I remembered the character creator having options for some pretty gnarly scars. Gave it a shot and wasn’t really satisfied with the result. Moved on to other things, then gave it another try a couple of weeks ago. And this time the character I ended up with was pretty damn close to what I’d had in mind. The explosion that scarred her face also ruined her left eye, so to get that eye to look damaged and the other to appear unharmed, I tried to get a screenshot of her with these red, kind of murky eyes and another with a more natural color, and then use Photoshop to replace the murky right eye with the natural-colored one. If I remember correctly, the color I chose was called Steel.
Just one problem. The second screenshot didn’t save, so all I have is a shot of her with two oddly-colored eyes. Also, her skin tone is actually meant to be darker, but this was as far as Fallout 4‘s character creator would go. Still, everything else is almost a perfect match for what I had in mind originally.
And I didn’t realize it at first, but I already had a workaround for the eyes. In an earlier chapter, Kolya had a conversation with someone who suggested that she “steer into the skid” and have a little fun with her scars by getting some micro-LED strips placed in them. She was already thinking about getting a cybernetic eye to replace the damaged one. She doesn’t really care what it looks like, she just wants to see out of it. The eye she’s going to get will be able to change colors like a Razer keyboard, to match the light strips she’ll use to line the scars.
Personally, I think a “fire” pattern in the strips and the eye would look absolutely badass. It’d look like there are actual flames inside her skull that are showing through the eye and the scars. They’ll have other modes as well, such as “ice” or “lava” … so what I started thinking was that she’ll get both eyes done while she’s at it, so she’ll have zoom and a few other functions in both, plus the light patterns will match. She’ll also be able to switch to a “normal” mode which would give both eyes a standard color scheme for times when she wants to keep as low a profile as possible, and other times they’ll both look like the eyes in the above image.
The explosion happened long enough ago that Kolya isn’t bothered much by her disfigurement anymore, aside from the occasion when someone makes a rude comment to her and she feels self-conscious for a while. Her medical insurance screwed her over by claiming that corrective surgery would be for “cosmetic purposes only” and denied it, so she was never able to have the scars removed. And after nearly a decade, she feels like they’re just another part of her … usually. She would feel weird if she looked into a mirror and didn’t see them anymore. So now she’ll at least get to have a little fun with them, maybe even play them up if she’s in a situation where she needs to intimidate someone. Appearing to have lava flowing inside one’s head would probably look cool … but it could also be a terrifying sight for someone else to turn a corner and suddenly find themselves facing unexpectedly.
I’m also considering a few other mods Kolya might get while she’s having the procedure done. Maybe a sensor suite built into her body, since she’s heading out on an expedition into a completely unexplored part of the galaxy and something like that would be really useful. Definitely storage for images and videos she’ll capture with her eyes, and a communications system that’ll give her the ability to upload them or transfer them to other people. Possibly something that’ll build up her muscles gradually and make her more athletic, which she’d probably want after being in a few tense fights recently. Maybe a few other things, if I think of any that would be cool. At this point, she’ll probably figure, “Sure, what the hell, I might as well make sure I have some advantages the next time someone starts shooting at me.”
Oh, and another idea I’m considering for Kolya is that, later on, she’ll get her hands on a small ship that she’ll use to scout ahead once the expedition is underway. She’s always been self-sufficient and grew to enjoy being on her own over the years, so even though she’s become friends with the rest of the Jemison‘s crew, there’ll be times when she needs her own space. This’ll enable her to have some alone time when she needs it and continue having solo adventures like she did when she was hitchhiking on starships.
When she acquires the ship, she’ll rechristen it … the SS Helena Handbasket. Just had to stick that here so I don’t forget all about it later. Anyway …
Way back when I first created the character for a story that I was invited to submit to a sci-fi/romance anthology, the idea was inspired — as I’ve mentioned a few times, probably — by the character of Helena Pierce from Borderlands. I remember seeing her in the cinematic trailer for the first game and the image was so striking that it’s stayed with me all these years. And I thought Borderlands 2 really did Helena dirty when it’s revealed in an audio recording near the beginning that the main villain interrogated her, insulted her rather viciously and gleefully over her scarred face, and then shot her in the head and laughed. The story absolutely shafted her. I love everything else about that game, but damn, was that bit of cruelty really necessary?
I’ve always thought that Helena would’ve made for a fascinating protagonist in one of the Borderlands games, or maybe a tie-in project. We see male characters with scars on their faces all the time, and they always end up with a hot woman falling for them. Imagine flipping the genders on that. A female character who looked like Helena in a video game could become iconic. So that idea lodged in my head and bits and pieces took shape over the years …
So even though romance is not in my wheelhouse and is a genre I never thought I’d ever write anything for, when I started wondering what the hell I’d write for a romance anthology, this character who’d been assembling slowly in my head leaped into the foreground instantly. I made a few adjustments here and there … mainly, deciding to give her dark skin because the majority of the cast of most of the movies and TV shows I’ve seen are white people. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m whiter than Elmer’s Glue, myself. But I just find it more visually interesting if there’s a wider variety of skin tones and backgrounds and shapes and sizes.
Plus, since her damaged eye would look a lot like Helena’s, I figured it would really “pop” when surrounded by dark skin. And I’m thinking the same can be said for the cybernetic eyes and light strips, once Kolya gets them implanted.
And what the hell, if the book ever gets popular enough to be noticed by certain dipshits on YouTube and they throw one of their typical tantrums about the “woke mind virus” just because the character has scars and isn’t white, then I can finally say, “Well, goddamn, now I’ve made it!”
So. Now to wrap things up. Since the next scene to be posted is finally finished, and since I won’t actually upload it to where the rest of the novel is until the whole book is finished, I’ll put a button on this by putting said scene below …
“Got another update from Malcolm.” Cora returned to the mess hall, having just gone to the flight deck to run a systems check. “They’ve added another ship to the fleet. The SS Corona Borealis has plenty of storage for food and other supplies, plus it’s got materials fabrication equipment to make spare parts and hydroponics gear to grow more food and labs to grow meat.”
“Nice. I was a little worried about running out since we’re not sure how long we’ll be out there.” Dylan watched her take a tumbler of coffee from the dispenser and join him and their wives at the table.
“Everyone involved had the same concern. The farther into the Centaurus Arm we go, the harder it’ll be to get back home if something goes too severely wrong.” Cora glanced over at Vacendak, sitting with Dylan’s parents and Kolya at the adjacent table. “You’ll be happy to hear that a sizable team of sex workers will be stationed on the Borealis as well.”
“Yes!” Vacendak thrust her fist into the air and everyone either laughed or rolled their eyes.
“Ten of them have signed on already and more are expected to join before the fleet launches. Several of them are on Tevsa, so they’ll arrive at Lambda Scorpii shortly after we do. I just sent you a list of their profiles.”
“Got it.” Vacendak stared off into space for a few seconds, the same way Cora often did when she was viewing documents or running software. “Ah, sweet! One of them is Trent.”
“Huh.” Kolya raised an eyebrow. “His parents are actually letting him go on a mission that’ll take at least a few years to finish?”
“Maybe the paycheck was big enough. Also, his girlfriend-slash-bodyguard has terrifyingly huge muscles. The mere sight of her should be enough to keep anyone from messing with him.” Vacendak grinned and nudged Kolya’s shoulder. “Maybe we can double-team him.”
Kolya burst into laughter and then shrugged.
“I don’t think I’d be comfortable with it, him being so young and all. Though, who knows, maybe it’ll depend on how desperate I get for some dick.” She shrugged again. “Maybe one of the others, assuming any of them are closer to my age.”
“Well, the vast majority of people I meet are younger than I am by at least a century, so I don’t worry about it that much.” Vacendak smirked. “It’d be even better if we get Trent’s girlfriend to join in.”
Kolya laughed and shrugged again.
“I’ve also got the name of the heavy cruiser the mulathi are sending along,” Cora added. “It’s the Xankhari under Colonel Musalla Kohrashi. Or, at least, I think that’s her rank. The message from Mal wasn’t clear on that. Equivalent to the Coleman’s CO if not higher, which should help if the Coleman turns on us.”
“And Kohrashi is completely outside the Alliance chain of command, so no one else could pull rank on her anyway.” Grishnag smirked.
“At least that’ll take some of the pressure off.” Desmond let a slow breath out. “Theoretically.”
Cora sipped her coffee. “Another thing being added to the expedition is a team of reporters. One or two on each ship to cover the mission. Turns out we’ve already worked with the one who’ll be embedded on the Jemison, Mura Chenova. She’s wrapping up a gig in the Alpha Ophiuchi system and will join us there.”
“Cool.” Dylan finished the last bite of his dinner. “She could be useful if any of Morales’s minions catch up with us. Get our story out to the galaxy. ‘Look what the authorities are allowing to happen,’ that sort of thing.”
“We should keep a low profile until we have more information, but it’s worth keeping in mind in case we get backed into a corner.”
“Got an update on that, by the way.” Vacendak leaned forward and took a sip from her tumbler. “Being an Operative gives me access to info that I’d never be able to get my hands on otherwise, which is one of the reasons I’m being so cautious about what I report to the Council. The last thing we need is to lose my sources of intel in addition to all my other resources.”
“Glad you thought of that before sending a report in.”
Vacendak nodded. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve been on this job way too long, but when something like this happens, all that experience can be a life-saver. Anyway, on to the info I got.”
Everyone fastened their gazes onto her and waited for her to continue.
“The Castle Bravo was declared AWOL not long after it changed course without notifying or asking permission from the higher-ups. Colonel Dhawan disobeyed orders so she could hunt us down, which isn’t much of a surprise. We already knew that dreadnoughts almost never deploy alone, and that’s exactly what the Castle Bravo did. They’re putting together a strike group including another of the new dreadnoughts, the Castle Romeo under the command of Colonel Esmeralda Gao, to bring it back and find out what Dhawan’s up to.”
“Hmm.” Cora tapped a finger lightly on the side of her coffee cup as she pondered the news. “That could be beneficial, but it could also become a problem if Dhawan convinces Gao and the Bessie Colman’s commander that she’s right.”
A chill rippled through Dylan’s chest. “She’d have to be a first-class bullshitter to do that. At least, I’d hope so. I mean, we’re on a civilian ship with a minimal armaments loadout, so we’re not a threat to anyone.”
“We might be seen as a slightly bigger threat once we get the upgrades at Alpha Ophiuchi,” Grishnag said, then she shrugged. “Still not anywhere near the level of even a heavy cruiser like the Coleman. And from what I’ve heard, mulathi heavy cruisers are more than a match for a state-of-the-art Terran dreadnought, so we have to hope that the one joining the expedition arrives before the Castle Bravo finds us.”
“I’ll certainly be able to breathe a lot easier once the fleet’s assembled and we’re on our way.” Vivian rubbed her hands over her upper arms as if feeling a chill and reached out for Desmond’s hand.
Cora nodded and turned back to Vacendak. “Any other news?”
“I also have the locations of the other active dreadnoughts. The Castle Yankee is in a strike group engaged in an operation in the Epsilon Boötis system, so it’s comfortably far away. The Castle Union is getting a minor systems upgrade so it’ll be docked at the Io shipyards for a few more weeks. The Castle Koon is docked at Arcturus to get some battle damage repaired, and the Castle Nectar is on an operation in the Alpha Herculis system which puts it a couple hundred light years away.”
“Well.” Grish nodded slowly. “There are plenty of other ships that can be sent after us, but at least we won’t have to worry about more than those two dreadnoughts one-shotting us.”
“What a fuckin’ relief, huh?” Vacendak managed a brief laugh and Grish followed it with one of her own.
“That’s the spirit.”
Hah … after going back through that scene, I realized that the dreadnought pursuing our heroes, the dreadnought sent to track it down, the two heavy cruisers joining the expedition, and the heroes’ ship itself, are all commanded by women. “wOke AgEnDa! REEEEEE!” Sigh. Jesus Christ.
As you might guess, I am not a fan of the culture-war bullshit that’s gotten completely out of control in the past few years.
But that’s a rant for another time.
Fred T. Kerns, Sci-fi Writer 